That's When I Reach For My Revolver

Hating work, feeling very much like I want to do something--- anything, outside of healthcare. Convinced though that I will never be able to break into any other kind of business since this is where all of my experience lies and I don't know anybody who can help me to get my foot in the door to do anything else (and that's what it really comes down to, knowing somebody.). Also the lack of the ubiquitous and unnecessary four-year degree. Kind of wish that I had just set my ass right where I was at the hospital, in my nook, but I am convinced that they would have gotten rid of me with one more minor bullshit slip-up, or maybe with the cutting more positions that they are doing again. I don't know. I wish something wonderful would fall in my lap or somehow I would get a lead on something (I have no problem doing the leg-work or searching around, I just would like to find something to begin with.). That, or win the lottery. I very nearly walked out again yesterday, in tears, and considered not going in today (hoped that the snow would be more substantial, but as it turned out, got here about 8:20.). Living beyond my means as it is, couldn't very well be unemployed without an immediate and definate replacement, but, God, I really want out. Carmin has been expressing similar concerns, hers for the economy and the eliminating of hours and things within retail, and the fact that she, too, feels unqualified, or that she would be deemed unqualified, for anything else since all of her experience is in retail managing (specifically the book industry). It's a shite state of affairs. Felt very bad yesterday, after watching a tiny bit of television whilst eating (polished off about a third of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner--- that's what we call "spite eating."), I went to bed, and when she came up to ask if I wasn't going to hang out with her, I apologised, but ultimately stayed in bed. Overslept to go over Nick's for Twofer. Didn't even feel like going really, but like Nick said when I was lamenting to him, we always have fun when we go there, and it is true. Monday found us at at Club Charles discussing the trip to Philly and hopefully a full week sometime in the summer there or New York, or ideally (and least likely), England. Jamie made us flaming shots of Goldschleiger, for free and out of boredom. Never had that before, but it was very good. Somehow managed to be the last people in there again, then back to Hampden where things got a little ridiculous and furniture was damaged. Not even as a joke, and it sounds so cliche, but somehow we actually managed to break the new bedframe. This is hilarious and should be able to be fixed, but it is kind of embarassing (which is why I chose to broadcast it here!!). Diet has been piss-poor this week. Somehow, the scale here in the office now says an abominable 128. Haven't started those Acai Berry pills yet. A little leary, even though the pharmacist said that they would not interact with my med's. Nick was talking about maybe doing HydoxyCut. Last night at Ottobar, Victor and company came out, along with Rob, saw some other characters, more examples of "Small-timore." Going to dinner tonight with Mom and Tony for Tony's B-day. They are going to lunch with Miss Joanne today, too. I really should hang out with Josh some time soon, especially now that he is twenty-one and can go out. Finally supposed to see Dad and Mary tomorrow for dinner, as well. Top Chef tonight. Will be glad to see Nick tomorrow and be closer to the weekend.