Monday when I went to lunch, I got some not so good news of a medical nature. I have to wait until next Monday to determine how dire the situation is, but needless to say, I have been rather a basketcase. I was in full shaking-chain-smoking-crying-I-am-surely-on-the-edge-of-death-mode, now I am slightly less so. Nick tried really hard to cheer me up and convince me that I am alright, or will be, terribly sweet, I just hate that I have cried in front of him the times I have, and that stupid, serious stuff has had to interfere when I really aim now not to have everything be so drama-laden and doom and gloom as it had been so frequently over the years with Rob. Also, of course, there is my requisite reaction of feeling like I am being punished for being a bad person, for doing something wrong, that something always has to go wrong. After everything I had tried to do right with Rob, or what I thought was right, that ended up being wrong, and lead, in part, to our demise, I changed my attitude, felt like I learned a lot, and now feel so much different, and have been still, as always, trying to do what is right, and feeling now like that, too, is wrong. Am I being punished now for going in the opposite direction? Not that it is the polar opposite or anything by any means extreme. I just feel like I am being called out, or that because I have been happy, something has to go wrong and the proverbial rug has to be pulled out from under me. I hope that it resolves, I am so thankful for the blessings I have and I only want to do the right thing.

That said, shrouded in secrecy and hopefully impermiable to interpretation, Monday night, once I stopped crying, we went to Club Charles since they reopened after two weeks, and that was very nice. They put some new cd's in the jukebox, including a Tom Waits compilation, so I played The Long Way Home, which is terribly beautiful, and Nick and I sat at the bar, him singing it to me, and me struggling to keep my tears to a minimum. I can't help it, it's a very moving song, and I am very glad to have been turned on to his stuff because some of it is so brilliant. I'd pretty much made up in my mind that I was going to call out the next day. I was too upset and I appreciated Nick trying to cheer me up and honestly, didn't especially want to end the evening. We stayed at the bar till close, then hit the Subway, bringing the food back to eat some Walker's with it, mucking about, goofing off in the livingroom till like 4 in the morning, before going upstairs. Called my boss when I got up to take my pill, went back to bed, and slept till 11, which was lovely. Nick got a call from Sheppard Pratt that he officially has the job and set up his pre-orientation to fill out paperwork and get a drug test for next Monday while he is off, and then his proper orientation to really start on September 8. So he got to give his two weeks to UPS yesterday, which thrilled him to no end. I'm very happy and excited for him. After he left to head home, I went to the grocery store and Target. Made myself a lovely dinner later--- spinach and cheese tortolini tossed with white truffle olive oil, black pepper, basil, and parmesan, with grape tomatoes, a little bit of shaved red onion, and what was left of a red pepper. I arranged it on the plate and even took a picture of it, I was so proud. Totally looked like something off of Top Chef. I really want to do more stuff like that. See the wonderful things I can accomplish when I don't go to work? I think I'd like to get some new dishes, though, since the ones we have are too loud and gaudy and when I took that picture, it was hard to distinguish between the food and the pattern on the plates. Something a little more simple I think. Anyways, hadn't eaten up to that point yesterday, but then I did follow it up with a little of the coffee-hazelnut ice cream I got (also got Starbucks coffee ice cream for Nick) and a couple of Triscuts later on in the evening. Fatness.

Everybody and their brother was out at Ottobar last night. We met up with Rob and Angel and Joe and Laurie, who we got to talk to Victor for a bit. Him and Kyle and Kristy were there, too. It was a lot of people to talk to, but nice. Glad I have some friends to introduce around and all. Stayed till they turned the lights on and kicked us all out, then stopped at--- you'll never guess where--- Subway!! Nick said something about us living together eventually, which is nice that he would want that, but at the same time, I am wary because of knowing how that changes a relationship, as it did with Rob and I, and I wouldn't want to have things like that again.

Tonight is Project Runway--- the drag queen episode, which should be fierce haha! I will be glad to see Nick tomorrow. The weekend is approaching, want to try Dogwood and go to Philly to either Cuba Libre or this tapas place Nick insists we have been past a dozen times up there, but I can't place for the life of me.