The Past Is Gone But Something Might Be Found To Take Its Place

I have to go to class tonight, well, what I mean is I said I was going to go to class tonight and participate with this one teacher's class doing massage. Of course, as the time draws nearer, I am dreading it and thinking fondly of coming home from work and Carm and I having dinner and then maybe going out to look for houses to rent. We really have to get on that shit. They're going to be sending out the lease renewal packages and we are totally not re-upping, but we need to go check out some of these listings I've found before it gets too down to the wire. We got to have something lined up like. Everytime I've suggested going or we planned to go out, it's never happened and if I could get her to do it tonight, that would be awesome. It would accomplish something that needs to be done, and afford me a justifiable excuse to blow off class. My heart would bleed if I couldn't make it tonight. I know I'm no good. Rubbish.

I have been having heartburn rather a lot again recently. I thought it was from the Einstein's coffee which I started drinking again last week. It's really good and I like it better than Starbucks as far as actual coffee is concerned, but I found that it was giving me heartburn, so yesterday and today I went back to Starbucks' expresso drinks, but right now I have heartburn so I think it may be a combination of just coffee products in general and smoking. I wish I had more Zantac with me, but I only have the two pills and I'm afraid I may not remember to put more in my purse when I get home and be without it when I REALLY need it. I think I will eat at conference today. I only had apples and peanutbutter and an iced mocha yesterday till I went to Olive Garden with Dad and Mary. I ate a lot there, but I didn't end up feeling completely miserable and ready to explode like I usually do, so I was pretty chuffed about that.

Went to Two For Tuesdays last night. Carm had just dyed my hair, and while now when I look in the mirror I do see where she could have maybe gotten a little more dye on the pieces by my ears and right at my hairline in the front, they are really short, fair hairs, and she did do a good job of not getting it all over my face and it staining, so I guess it's either one or the other. Still, she did a good job and I am very grateful for her doing it. So when I went out, I felt pretty confident. I saw Nick when I came upstairs, but he didn't see me, so I just went to the bar first to order my drink. He came up behind me and kissed me, which was awesome. We had some drinks and I got a little tipsy and it was nice. I drank two double vodka and Diet Cokes and later on, after that had worn off, about 3/4 of a Yingling, which I am getting to the point of being able to drink without wincing. I still wouldn't consider myself a beer drinker by any means, but I'm able to tolerate it a bit more. We stayed till last call and they turned the lights on, then sat in his car for a good while, listening to music and making out. I really hope he got home in one piece because he did drink too much, but hopefully sobered up enough after we sat there a while (and after he threw up, which he apologised for having to do out the car on the parking lot.). He said he'd see me Thursday, and then Friday is The Raveonettes show.

One of the songs that came on his mix cd that we were listening to whilst making out was The Gin Blossoms' "Hey Jealousy". I have always loved this song, and it was one of the songs rife with signifigance for Rob and I since we played it at Bel Loch the night of the final Subsist show, February 21, 2004, the night when everything started for us. So that song has always meant a lot regarding that, and what a surreal and ironic thing for it to come on at that precise moment. How does one proceed with such a thing? It makes me sad and elegaic, yet at the same time, the line, "The past is gone but something might be found to take its place" spoke volumes and seems to sum it up as far as me reconciling this juxtapostion. Also, earlier in the night they played The Dandy Warhols "Bohemian Like You", and Nick said he was waiting for someone to play that while he was with me and we sung along. Of course I had the good sense not to say, "Oh, yeah, that is one of the songs Rob put on one of the first mix cd's he made me. That made him think of me, too." I didn't want to make a point fo taking that away from him or saying somebody already did that for me first. No way. It's terribly ironic, though, innit? Oh, and he had a Travis song on the cd, too, and I thought I was the only person who liked them. I would really like to play some of my mix cd's in the car, but they are all ones that Rob made and filled with songs of signifigance to all of that, and I don't want to devalue anything of him and I, I never would, but I'm also not the one who chose to end things and alter our paths, either. I made a point of emphasising to Nick's best friend (also named Rob) last night how fond I am of Nick, and as I told my step-mother yesterday, he is criminally handsome. Seriously.