Went to Two For Tuesdays last night. Met Nick there. We had some drinks and it was a lot of fun. I spotted Rob and my replacement when I came in and later on I had to pass right by them when we went out to smoke. I hadn't said anything, but we'd texted eachother a couple of times. Then when Nick and I were coming back in, Rob was coming from the bathroom and we started talking. Rob was so drunk. It bothered me that he was like that and while all of the familiarity and feelings rose up, and I felt like I could have started crying if I'd let myself. Really, my one prevailing thought was that I knew it wouldn't change things between us and I really want and am excited about Nick. Rob told me how great I am and how I deserve the best of everything and whoever I'm with needs to treat me well and if they don't fuck em, among other utterences of, "I'm not trying to put the moves on you", to which I said I know, "I don't try to pretend that what we had and the last three and a half years didn't happen, and if I was ever with somebody and they couldn't accept that we are still friends I wouldn't be with them", and a great big, "Don't talk to Tony Pence, he's a piece of shit", which is an opinion I've already come to hold on my own. It mainly bothered me that he was so drunk and that loss of control for me to know that he got home ok and all that sort of thing. When I went to sit back down, because I felt so bad talking to Rob while Nick just sat over there, Nick asked me if he was just a rebound, that he could tell my ex still freaked me out or whatever. That really upset me, and it kind of made me feel like shit because I honestly do not think that is in any way the case. I know how things with Pittsburgh were, I know that was just a killing time, bit of flattery, bit of company thing. Same with Tony, but seriously, I feel completely different with Nick. I genuinely am terribly, terribly fond of him, and I really want him to know that. I am not completely over Rob, there is that part of me that maybe will always mourn for what we lost and all of that, but I do believe I'm way better and more accepting and enthused about the future than I was. I really need Nick to know that I am not hung up on Rob to where he is just a distraction. I told Rob I'd call him today (I also need to check LiveJournal). I bet he doesn't even remember half of that stuff from last night. I don't want that stuff interfering with anything. The funny thing is, I felt really good being out and wanting to be seen with Nick, not just to be rub it in Rob's face or anything, not that it would have that effect, because he's with Melanie and he's the one who started seeing someone else first, but just because I really do like him and feel really good being out with him, but the funny part is that it was like Rob didn't even notice it, or maybe he didn't want to notice it, like he was deliberately ignoring that I was there with him. When he said something about enjoying being a single girl, I said, well, I'm not a single girl anymore at the moment, he just skimmed right over it, like he didn't hear it. When I talk to him today, I'm going to tell him, not to make trouble in any way, but that when we see eachother in the future and speak, I really hope he will be less drunk and less, well, just less drunk. Like I said, he may not even remember half the stuff that went on. I haven't said anything specific about Rob and I breaking up, like that it was six months ago or that we were, in fact, engaged, or that we'd been together three and a half years. I guess I should mention those things, just to put it in context, but I really am not going to have all of that overshadow what is at present.

Nick and I ended up closing up the place, and then standing out on the side of the Ottobar making out before we finally went to our cars and headed home. We had started kissing, and he pushed me against the wall of the building, it was awesome. It is so hard to stop kissing him, and I was really pleased that he said the same thing to me. Then he said he doesn't know how he ended up with the hottest girl in the city, but it's pretty cool. Makes me blush, the boy must have poor vision haha.

I don't want seeing Rob yesterday to lessen or spoil any of the awesome excitement and incredibly strong attraction I have been feeling for Nick. We were supposed to take the night off and he wants to watch Top Chef, which Carm and I probably will do, too, but then his friend also said something about going to Ottobar with him and what he flat-out refers to as his rebound girlfriend tonight, so we'll see. I wouldn't mind seeing him, especially to reinerate that he is NOT a rebound! I don't want that dark cloud or the spectre of mine and Rob's relationship hovering over this, dammit.