Diamonique Days

I can't believe I didn't update on here yesterday. Totally got wrapped up in a million things here at work. Well, the iminent suspension came through yesterday. I will be having a three day weekend starting tomorrow, off on Monday, which consequentially means I will only have to work three days next week, since I am off Friday to go to Philly for Vic's graduation/gallery opening and The Kills show. How incredibly self-defeating and asinine of them. Anyways, I do have to mind my P's and Q's from now on, since the next time I'm late or I think maybe even call out, that's it---curtains. But that said, I will have no problem getting to sleep in on Monday, recuperating for some alcohol appreciation over the weekend prehaps. I'd better make good use of the time haha.

Tuesday night got off to kind of a late start. As early as they let Nick out of work Monday night, it was after 10 by the time he was done Tuesday, so we decided to just meet at Ottobar. I got there way ahead of him and Chirstina, Rob and my replacement were already there, so I had to kind of pretend I didn't see them till later in the evening. Even then, of course, I only spoke to Rob, not her. Chatted for a bit with Craiggers, then Nick's friend, Rob, then Nick came in. I saw him coming up the stairs out of the corner of my eye, fedora so perfectly cocked, looking very debonair indeed. Christina left her wallet at home and had to go back to look for it (how people fucking lose shit or simply not have it on them at all times boggles my mind), so it was later still by the time she got back to Ottobar, but it still ended up being a very nice time. I saw Rob and said a few words to him. We had talked on the phone the day before, so a lot of the "catching up" was already done, but still after a couple of minutes, it was just too easy to stand there and riff on conversation, it got a little too comfortable and familiar, so I was just like, "Well, you need to go back to your people, and I need to go back to my people." I immediately ordered another drink. Had two double vodka and diets, although I never got really tight or anything. I think because in between them I diluted with a regular Diet Coke.

Last night, Carmin had to work an over-night at the bookstore while they lay new carpet, so Nick came over and we watched Top Chef. It was nice to stay in, but I hadn't gotten to take my nap, since Carm and I went straight to Target and Noodles when I got home, so I was pretty sleepy. After the show (and some other activities we found to pass the time) and, after we had some of those Walker's crisps (totally going to order some more today), I crashed and dozed off on the sofa while he flipped through the channels. He left around 2:30, saying that he didn't mind that I was sleepy, and he would have ended up falling asleep on the couch eventually, and he'd let me know what was going on today. I know I should stay home tonight, hang out with Carmin and just take it easy, since I still have work tomorrow, and especially if I don't get to take a nap when I get home from work (I'm am very committed to making that happen, though, taking a nap).

When I got on MySpace yesterday, there was a comment from Vic asking who this boy is that I mentioned bringing to Philly with me, that was staying over the weekend up there with me. I gave a brief synopsis, reminding him of the gallery opening and Nick having been there at Ottobar the night Vic was home after he and Nikki broke up. I hope to hear back from him maybe today, and I will need to get directions to his opening and all if nothing else.

I can't elieve how much weight I've put back on, seemingly so rapidly, too. I mean, I don't get it. Appearently you really need to be fully in the midst of a nervous breakdown to look good, and once your mental state improves, BOWWNG, enormous proportions. I know all this junk food and late night eating we've been doing certainly is contributing, so I'm hoping to stem that a bit. I think I can see it in both of us though, actually, not that I have any complaints. Anyways, I can see how coushiony I've become again. I hate it!! I have been trying to behave, but somehow I keep fucking up, or it just seems like insurmountable. Oh, it infuriates me how good I looked and felt about myself then, during that darkest of times, and now that I have bought all these new clothes and the summer is coming, it all goes to shit. I wish I could just go without getting where I feel like I'm going to pass out or without getting "peer-pressured" or ravenous. Well, when I am off this weekend/Monday, hopefully I can spend a good deal of that time napping and sleeping in, so it will be easy to go without stuffing my face. Last Saturday was like that. Slept till 1:30, went to Starbucks after 2, didn't eat for the first time of the day till 7 or so before I went to that show. Then I did have those two quesadilla wedges with Angel at Club Charles, but I really have been trying to do better. I haven't been drinking any regular soda, and only really even having soda in mixed drinks, I decided not to get a Frap everytime I go to Starbucks but to get a nonfat iced mocha instead, more often than not. I had a cup of coffeemaker coffee at work today and I put Splenda in instead of real sugar. I know I need to not eat junk, especially not eat right before I go to bed. I wonder if eating dinner, even if it's my only meal of the day, is worse than if I ate my "big meal" earlier like at lunchtime? Or what about this theory that eating only once a day is worse than if you nibbled throughout the whole day? I know when I lost all my weight, and since then, when I've seen some improvement, it's come from simply not eating, or atleast interrupting my normal consumption habits, but according to my Mom, when you don't eat for a while, when you do, your body immediately turns that food to fat because it thinks it's starving or hibernating or something. Of course, I do know what I've seen in myself in the past, but I find it a little disconcerting that the last week or so, even when I have been cutting back, I still seem to be putting it back on, or in the very least, not losing it. Fuck.