Well, I ended up having a bit of a blow-out with Carm on the phone yesterday afternoon whilst at work, then she called me when I was on my way home. It got heated, and of course, there was me crying, but things are alright now and hopefully they will remain that way. Some ground rules have had to be laid down. Appearently we really kept her up every night this weekend and she needs her sleep to perform her job, that I guess is the main thing. Also, that Nick was there so much, but then she kind of relented, just to not wake her up. Also, she's not going to ask me if I'm going out everyday and just make both of us feel bad. I'm not to ask her everyday if she's heard from Allen, and that Nick she thinks is very unfriendly towards her, and that she doesn't want him acting like it's his domain. I just want everything to be ok. I will try really hard to keep quiet and make time for her and I, but at the same time, I don't want to miss out on seeing Nick or it seem like I can't keep up with his lifestyle (which I love, the whole going out thing. It was funny, one of the things that was said at Ottobar last night was, "The party never stops", and then I said that should be the motto, and he said, "That already IS pretty much the theme of our relationship!" I then asked if that was a good thing, I don't recall where it went from there.) I still feel like it's unwarranted and I should be cut some slack for ten years of being a good friend and a dependable roomate, for bailing her out of jams and paying OUR bills on time, lending her money, making almost all of the purchases of joint things in the house (toilet paper, snacks, detergent), and because for the last few weeks I've been going out and making a bit of noise, I should be drug in front of a firing squad and written off. But I'm glad we patched things up and came to some aggreement. As far as the ground rules, I didn't make any demands, although I did say that I don't want to feel like I live with my Mother again though, either. Anyways, we then moved on to talking about Rob and what Allen said about the place my replacement is renting right near where we are moving and that sort of thing. We went to get ice cream, which I definately did not need, but wanted to continue the healing and the disolving of tension so we went. It was delicious in all acutality, and then we went to The Goodwill and I got an old Polaroid camera for $4. I have to stop and get film. I really hope it works. The photos on The Kills website and in the jackets of their cd's really inspired me.

I met Nick at Two For Tuesday's last night. It was so lovely to see him, he'd just shaven and, my God, he was more gorgeous even then usual. We got some drinks and talked. There was a rumour that Marty, the crochety old guy that was the manager at Frazier's, had died yesterday, and it was soon confirmed, so I went over to tell Rob. I basically just ignored her completely and just spoke to him. Nobody could believe he'd kicked the bucket. We stayed till last call and were going to go (bad of me, I know) to Paper Moon, which Rob had said was no longer 24 hours, and damned if it wasn't closed. We decided to go to Nautilus (even though Towson Diner would have been more equi-distant for us). I really wish I could stop eating late like this, but it's just so good to enjoy some delicious food, especially when one is intoxicated. But all of my new clothes I've gotten since September are all getting tight on me, or my old clothes that got big are fitting the way they used to. Nick keeps saying that he has no complaints about the way I look or my weight when I say I'm putting it all back on, but when I mentioned I was 110 pounds at my thinnest this fall, he said that does sound hot, and anything like that would simply be a bonus, but that I'm fine the way I am. I think that may be just the motivation I need to spur me on to return to that ideal. I need to find a way to resist eating superfluously in general, especially when I am not sharing the dining experience with another person, and make better choices about what I do consume. I haven't had a thing today and Carmin and I are supposed to be going to Don Pablo's for dinner before going to the movies. I weighed myself at work today, and sure enough, I'm back to 120 pounds. But I will be trying harder.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before we go to Philly on Friday. Nick got me one of the shirts they wear at UPS that has diagrams of the proper way to lift boxes and warehouse safety that I said I really liked when he came over from work last Wednesday. It's a medium so it's really big, but I was still rather chuffed. Then he said something about something else coming to me on Friday, so I'm intrigued about that.

I wish I could just drop down exactly to how I was those months after everything happened, when I couldn't be bothered with food, or when I did I could really enjoy it because I hadn't eaten hardly anything else the rest of the week.