At this moment, Nick is sleeping in my house, and there is a note under Carmin's door giving her fair warning, and apologising for my leaving him there. He was sick last night and there was no way I was getting him up when I left for work this morning, not that I would have had the heart to suggest it, anyways. We went to Brewer's Art last night with Victor, Joe, Kyle, and Kristen. It's funny because once he gets comfortable talking, he just keeps going and going, and he kept drinking and drinking, as well (much like Allen, probably to get over not talking and to loosen up). There also seems to be a fluctuating, intermitant blatant distain exhibited by Victor towards him, not sure what that's about. I did mention about Nick having Asberger's and ADHD yesterday, as a means for explaining maybe how he jumps in so enthusiastically saying something or repeats himself or whatever. They probably think he's peculiar, but I am so terribly fond of him. So anyways, we came home last night, he drove, insisting, against my better judgement, that he was fine, and Thank God, we made it home in one piece, a state trooper and county cop passing us by, and the resulting sickness being delayed till be were home safe and sound. Divine Intervention that. Much in the way my intoxication sometimes is delayed till I'm home, Nick got sick, and threw up several times, finally deciding to sleep on the floor of the bathroom, despite my trying to get him to come back to bed and lie down. I got very frustrated with him, and I feel bad about it now, and I was very afraid that he would remember that or be mad. I finally got him into the bedroom, because the last thing I wanted was for Carmin to get up to go to the toilet and have him sprawled on the floor in there (At one point I had to go to the bathroom and he was like, "Just go," and despite my better efforts, he wasn't moving, and was pretty much out like a light, so I had to pee while he lay passed out at my feet.), and he put his arms around me and we fell back to sleep, then this morning I was really afraid he would be mad at me losing my temper trying to get him to wake up, but when I was leaving for work, I was able to rouse him enough to ask if he felt better and if he was mad at me, to which he said no. It really killed me to leave there this morning. If I hadn't left early Wednesday, and could afford to do it, I totally would have called out today. Damn it. Luckily, I just called Carmin and she's not mad, left a note on the door for him just to lock the door behind him when he leaves.

My "Forty Acres and a Mule" check came yesterday, which is terribly welcome, but will make little difference in the mounting debt I'm incurring. My Starbucks card was declined last night, which means I'm too near the $2000 limit, and my Capital One is probably up to atleast $500, if not more. I'm buying an air conditioner on my way home from work today at Target, Carm is out with Darla getting hers now. I figure I will deposit my $600 from the government and withdraw $200 of paycheck money from the ATM, it makes sense in my head.

I will be so glad to see Nick later and have a weekend to not be in work. Supposed to get up to 100 degrees tomorrow.

Went to Noodles last night for my free B-day dinner, felt like I had to use the coupon, then I went to Starbucks---no fucking willpower whatsoever. If I could just go one day without any fuck-ups, one day that I could feel good about, maybe it would propel me. I mean, what Nick said about having no complaints but that anything I lost would be an improvement is incredible motivation, but I keep falling off and can't seem to make any initial improvement to have a starting off point.