Experiment

Got a glimpse of myself in the mirror, horror, pure horror. Galvanised by the other night's utterences, bonus' and that, and in addition to limiting the amount of food I consume, I suppose I should also limit my consumption for the most part to organic things that will "disolve" as opposed to "deposit". Oh, I want my OCD to kick in hardcore in this regard. I want to possess the same indifference and force of will to combat gluttonous urges that I possessed in September, and through Christmas, definately, and most of January, and parts of February. Since March, it's been basically a steady descent back to this padding about my middle that now one is able to get quite a grip on. Bloody hell. Here's the plan:



Little experiment I'm going to conduct for this week. Trying to consume only fruits, vegetables, and a wee bit of cereal this week. Seriously, I went to the grocery store yesterday, purchasing romaine lettuce, red and green peppers, cucumber, apples, baby carrots, and a lite Caesar dressing. Also have a lite Italian dressing still in the fridge. Apart from coffee (and I will really try to mean JUST COFFEE, and not terribly decadent expresso drinks), and water (and diet soda with mixed drinks), I will be eating only food that I imagine will disinegrate and nourish my body, not turn into fat. Maybe I can suggest to Carm (if she is in good spirits) that we walk the track at school or around the neighbourhood. That would be lovely. I really enjoyed how much walking Nick and I did in Philly and in Baltimore this weekend. I enjoy walking, and it is definately good exercise. In fact, even though I did good by eating Caesar salads two meals while we were up there, the other stuff I ate (Checkers on the way up, the little bit of those Szechaun fries at The Continental, two pieces of bread at Cuba Libre, that horrible so-called grilled cheese and the decent fries at Eulogy---and the beer) I'm sure it would have been even more to my detriment had we not been doing all this walking. That's the thing, when you're on vacation, when you're out or with people, you should be able to treat yourself, or eat with abandon and really enjoy things, so I guess one of the keys to being able to do that sensibly and without devistating consequences, is to behave oneself as a rule and especially when it is just oneself.

So today, I've had two cups of coffee (one here at work with only a little sweetened creamer and an iced coffee from Starbucks with sugar-free hazelnut syrup and a little skim milk) and several baby carrots, grape tomatoes, and two broccoli florets (all raw). Dinner should be salad or cereal. God, I just want to lose this weight. I'm feeling downright uncomfortable now, like my skin is stretching and I feel terribly conspicuous, as well.