I went to lunch with Jen, and somehow managed to consume TWO bagels, fucking fat cow that I am (but actually, I didn't feel that stuffed-miserable-over-ate way that I normally do). I should have gotten the tuna on a bagel, then I would have been full, but I opted just for a bagel and cream cheese, and then I wanted a cookie, but they were all out, so I got a cinnamon sugar bagel. Glutton. Whilst out, I checked my voicemail and there was a call from Rob, so when I got back I called him at City Paper and we discussed Brew At The Zoo and the new Fletcher's unveiling benefit dinner for the Lieukemia Society that Craigger's and Matt are hosting and whether I was going to it or not. I said probably not since it's expensive, which is why I'm not going to the Brew, and he said it's a shame I'm not going because I will miss seeing Ralph and Lauren, which is what we named the two otters we used to watch and take pictures of in past years. I wanted to say, why did you have to say that, why did you bring that up? It made me sad and feel wierd, like what purpose does that serve? Yes, you and I have a million wonderful memories, they weren't enough for you to not break up with me, so while I acknowledge and value so deeply those memories, why does he need to say that? Also, before that, the hylacon days of Sonar were brought up, and he said as much as it sucks now and has for some time, he tries to remember the good times and I said, well, that's all we can try to do for anything, which is true. Lastly, he mentioned that he goes to bed early now on account of getting up for work and I laughed at how incredibly different everything is now, how different we are now, and he said, yeah, "You're a lot different, kid, but you seem a lot happier and you seem to be having a lot of fun. Yeah, we're a both a lot different, but we're still deep down really the same and still have a lot in common."

What was that? So now, I get off the phone, and I just feel wierd. Not wierd in a conflicted kind of way, just in a sad way. I can't really explain it well, I guess, but it's just a quiet, almost peaceful sadness. Why does he bring things like that up, I ask you? When I went to lunch, I'd listened to The Arctic Monkeys song "Mardy Bum" which always made me feel bad because it hit very close to home when we were together with my getting an attitude or whatever and of course it reminds me of how I wanted to not be like that, and now having done it too many times and just all that sort of thing. It's actually the first time I've let myself listen to the song since everything. Of course, I feel the need to tell someone who would get it with the phone call and all, so I call Carmin, under the pretense of Rob saying Allen has never returned any of his phone calls this week, so when she sees him to have Allen call him, but she calls me out that since Rob said that stuff, I of course had to call her, and I had to backpedal a bit. She seemed passable, although mildly annoyed or distant. I couldn't help but notice a couple of little digs or implied comments, like one about my not going to the Brew, but being sure that I'll be doing something "much more exciting." So I asked her whether that was meant to be a dig against Rob or the Brew for being lame, or a dig on me for Nick and I always being out and about. I asked it like it was a joke, making light of it one way or the other, and then later when I asked what her and Allen were doing tonight, she replied they are staying in because neither of them have money and they can amuse themselves, they don't need to go out to have a good time. I know that was meant to be a dig, totally, but I didn't say a damn thing back. I wanted to say, yeah, we are taking it easy with the spending, too and don't NEED to go out and drink and spend money to have fun, either, but there's also nothing wrong with ENJOYING that sort of thing, but I thought better of it. It will probably come out though, at some point, I will just be very tactful when it does. I do hope she's in a decent mood and all.

I'm so excited about starting over with the furnishings in the new house, reorganising, arranging, what to keep out, what to keep packed away, purging, all that sort of thing. I really want everything to be clean and crisp and simplistic. No clutter, but a very casual air to it.

It's 3:40 at present. I'll be chuffed when it's 4, because after that, I'll piddle around on my way out the door and my three day weekend will begin!!