I Know That You Want The Candy

I'm convinced that my losing any weight, let alone returning to some semblence of my previously tiny self is simply an impossibility, and it is something which fills me with sadness.

That said, it was with the best intentions (as it always is), that I began the week having an iced triple mocha yesterday morning on the way to work and a small salad (with garbonzo beans---chick peas--- awesome!!) and cherry Coke Zero for lunch. After Mom took me to Vee Dub to get my car, I went with them up to Firehouse, where I became ravenous. I really don't want to recount the whole thing, suffice to say there were streak fries involved, and I don't think I can eat Old Bay anymore. I took a nap later in the evening whilst waiting for Nick to get out of work, and again, did not have the air on or the window open, and I woke up very sick, also felt like I'd drank too much iced tea or had too many Dark Chocolate M & M's, as punishment, I imagine, and I felt, for a good while, like absolute shit. Nick didn't get out of work till 11, which means he achieved the mythical overtime at work, so we just met at Club Charles and he came straight from work. I hadn't really felt like leaving my bed, but I wanted to see Nick, so I managed to pull myself together. Had two vodka and diets, but nursed the first one nearly the whole night.

We had a good time, got in a very in depth conversation about books and authors, which were our favourites and which we detested, what books we'd maybe like to give another chance, that sort of thing. Nick said we should do something special for the 4th of July holiday this weekend (Saturday he's going to a golf thing during the day with his dad and brother), and had the idea of Cuba Libre on Friday. As much as I want to do that, I remember, shudderingly, what being in Philly on Fourth of July weekend was like last year, so I was a little apprehensive. However, then Nick had the idea for us to park either at the airport, or near the 95 exit on Broad Street and take the bus or a cab into the city and then not have to worry about parking or meters and just go wherever. That's a pretty good idea, I hope he intends to contribute to it financially. But any chance to go to Cuba Libre is cool with me. It was good to get to see him last night, I'm totally glad I decided to suck it up and just go. I ended up feeling completely better and still got a decent amount of sleep, getting home around quarter after two and sleeping till 7 this morning. It takes me no time to get to work from the house now, much quicker than from the apartment, which means more time to sleep or stop for coffee on the way in. Of course, I have come to the conclusion that getting coffee first thing in the morning usually sets me up to overeat for the day, in that either it sets me up to get hungry or gives me nothing to do on lunch but actually get lunch, thus making me totally want dinner, and so on. I find if I hold out till lunch for coffee, I do much better. Back when everything happened and I lost all that weight, I was sustaining myself on pretty much nothing except for a Frap and close to a pack of cigarettes a day. Then there was the gradual eating good on the weekend, which if I could ever get back to that regime, I'd be very pleased. I wish I could make it happen, or atleast not go overboard, especially when I am on my own. I want to enjoy myself when I am out with people, not gorge myself when I'm on my own, there is no sense in it.

Got to see a good deal of Empire Records yesterday, which is never a bad thing.