Monday was such a shit day, it was a fucking mad house in this place from start to finish. This was evidenced by scratching my plan to not eat till dinner and have my left-over Marguerita pizza from Owl Bar and instead, going to Einstein's for tuna on an everything bagel ( got that one kid from the old-school days though, who let me get just tuna salad without buying the whole meal, so no potato salad atleast.). Also the fact that I never got to finish the post I started until yesterday morning also indicates how busy and harrowing Monday was, as well. So, yesterday I finished Monday's entry and never even got started on another, so I will begin this one by summing up my lonely Monday night, not knowing Carmin was closing, her not returning my call, my still being incredibly hurt and angry over the whole cold-shoulder thing at the movies on Sunday, my letting it bother me too much and late in the evening at Club Charles with Nick crying, but being so thankful for his company and sweetness (his saying that it's just us, none of that matters, and earlier, that we need to take a vacation and just stay in a hotel in Baltimore for a week, "hidden in plain view," to get away from everything.) I really do not want to get in the habit of getting all upset around him or letting other, outside things overshadow my time and interaction with him.

Aside from that stuff, Monday night was fun. Rob Soma and Chrissy came out, as did Matty, but they all left before us. I swear, we are always the one's to close a joint down.

I finally couldn't take it anymore yesterday, and not knowing when I would get to talk to Carmin, since she doesn't call me back or whatever, I called her at work and we discussed the whole thing from Sunday, but as per usual, I start out the one angry and slighted, and end up not fully expressing myself and somehow it getting turned around that I feel like I have something to atone for to put things back on good terms. I am utterly incapable of staying mad at people or shutting them out, and it is well established that I cannot stand someone shutting me out in the least. So she swears up and down that there is no favouritism and that she can't be bothered getting upset about that stuff anymore, and somehow I again end up the one fishing for conversation when she gets home from work yesterday. Maybe today things will be better. It's terrible though that for whatever reason, since Nick and I started dating, Carmin and I have had these off and on skirmishes. My resentment for Rob has mounted and my blood boils at the thought of all this shit and his influence over Allen, and subsequently how it makes me feel in regards to Carmin. I swear, I was talking to Vic last night and said that Rob is like a caricature of himself now, and he was already kind of a caricature to begin with.

Last night at Ottobar was a lot of fun. Victor, Kyle, and Kristy were there, so was Rob Soma. Decided if Creepy Paul was a (creepy) super hero, his super-powered vehicle would be called the "No Means No-smobile." I'm really glad that Victor has warmed up to Nick more now. Nick didn't leave till 5 o'clock this morning. Sleep would be a fine thing haha.

My eating this week so far has been horrendous. I went to Chik-Fil-A yesterday for lunch, and as if that wasn't bad enough, around 6, devoured some chips and salsa whilst watching a Homicide rerun (which I am thrilled about finding. Totally want to see when they air more of those.). Took a nap, then got sucked into the whole Subway thing on the way home last night. Got my turkey sub mainly because I had some reflux and to speed up sobriety, and because Nick wanted to go and once there, figured I might as well get something. So today, the fatness, oh, the fatness.

Project Runway is on tonight, hopefully Carmin and I can hang out like reasonable people. Looking forward to going to dinner with Nick's family on Friday.