Managed to stay till 4:30, or 4:20, more likely, yesterday. Headache pretty much went away by the time I went to lunch. Einstein Brothers' everything bagel with tuna (tuna was fucking on point yesterday!!) and cucumber, potato salad, and iced coffee. Sat outside, had a cig, it was very enjoyable. The afternoon dragged, as they tend to do, and by the time I left I was feeling the crash from the caffiene. Had to stop by Target on the way home for bug spray for whatever those creatures are that live under the stove, whose existence plague Carmin to no end. Also felt the need to purchase some Milano cookies. God, they are so good. I had four, which would equal about 240 calories with my dinner last night. Felt very tired and weak, since I really didn't get much sleep Monday (or Sunday, come to think of it), so when I got home, I had my dinner, which consisted of turkey, cheese, and mustard on an English muffin, some salines with roasted red pepper hummus, and the Milano cookies. I guess that was rather a lot for yesterday, since I had lunch, as well. Anyways, I then took a nap on the sofa till Carmin got home and we hung out till I got a text from Nick saying that he'd just gotten out of work. Went to the Ottobar. It was a good time. When we got there, Rob Soma was already there, Victor, Kyle, and Kristina came a little later. I'm so glad Victor's back in town for good now. It feels good to have "my people". Nick and Victor actually did a great deal of talking, at one point going out to smoke on their own, so I'm glad Victor doesn't seem to dislike him now. Matt Kelly and Chris Jerkass showed up at one point, and later on we went over to Rocket where they were after we left the Ottobar. When we were getting our tabs before we left, Nick kissed me and said that was something he hadn't gotten to do nearly enough last night. We ended up falling asleep when we got home, so he stayed over, which was nice, I was glad he stayed.

I think we have decided to go to Philly this weekend instead of the ocean, since there is much more to do in Philly. I don't really want to go in the water, what with the sand and all, and while a few months ago I would have totally loved to wear a bathing suit, sow, not so much. I know I really don't look bad, I mean by anyone's standards other than my own, I would be considered far from grotesque, I just don't look AS good as I did (although, there are several people who said I look better now, healthier. I don't know.).

I think I'll look up directions to The Mutter Museum, I'd like to take Nick there and he has expressed an interest in it, as well. I guess it's kind of weird to take him places where Rob and I went, but on the other hand, I can't feel like that. There is part of me that is considering selling my ring, partly because I could really use the money (mainly, it would make me feel a lot better about not finishing school or wanting anything to do with massage therapy now, like replacing that wasted money, making it up to B & P, and also, strangely appropriate to sell the item whose symbolism is what prompted my deciding to go to massage school, and whose demise caused me to want nothing to do with it, so it makes far too much sense.), and partly because I am starting to feel more and more, what purpose does it serve to hold onto? I can't (certainly wouldn't) wear it again, and even though it's tangible proof of something wonderful that once existed, evidence that there was a time that Rob loved me so much and wanted to marry me, but I also feel like I have the other jewelry and pressies and miriad memories, and three and a half (three without incident) years to be reminded of the signifigance of what once was. That ring also serves to remind me, not only of what was, in an "I know it was real and I am so thankful to have had it" kind of way, but also in a reminding me how it broke my heart and what a fucked up thing it was him leaving and giving up and all, so really do I need something like that to sit in a box packed away? Would it be better to further put the entire mess behind me and put that money to good? It's also that once we got engaged, which was entirely Rob's idea and something HE was so enthusiastic about (like I've said before, I never pushed for anything. That's not to say I didn't want it, too, or that I wasn't thrilled, because I was, but it was his idea, and once he'd convinced me of it, and it actually became official, he changed his mind and gave up.), that's when the cracks started to appear and I can honestly say looking back now, when we got officially engaged, that was when things started to deteriorate. I guess I feel like I would be better served in not having it, making the money back would make me feel a lot better. I'm still undecided I guess.