I feel like absolute shit. I drug myself in here to work today, I want to fucking go home so bad. I know they will fire me, however, I did get a call back from American and I really want to be able to follow up and hopefully go on an interview for that. I don't know how I would get to leave or not be here to go to that anyways, so I may have to cut my losses someplace to begin with. I just feel shitty!
Loaded some pictures from Nick's B-day onto MySpace. Luckily the nonsense with Rob has been resolved and we are in agreement about acknowledging eachother and also not doing anything to spit on what was once very important to us. I'm glad about that, but I also in no way want anything pertaining to that to over-shadow or preoccupy my time with Nick.
I was glad that once we got out last night, Nick got out of his malaise, I certainly know how helpless I must make people feel when I am in a mood. But we had fun, and even did a little dancing at last call in Club Charles. Then there was some awesome making out to Tom Waits music in the car. I think starting tonight I may start the staying over Nick's parents', since I'm not sure what time they leave for Ithica tomorrow.
Went upstairs and got some toast with cream cheese--- it was like a damn banquet. Tell me why that plain old white toast and little container of Philadelphia cream cheese was so delicious. I have been on a bender since Sunday. I think I have a tapeworm, although, if I had a tapeworm, I would remain super-skinny and never feel satiated, which is not the case. I also think there is going to be a delayed reaction to all of this eating, too, since I don't really see it yet, but surely it will catch up with me. I've also concluded that one of the reasons I enjoy eating so much is that I seek refuge in it since it is one of the few things I can do freely that is not interrupted or marred or compromised by my O.C.D.. I find myself thinking sometimes when in the midst of an O.C.D. loop, of enjoying something delicious and it feels very much like being rescued.
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