Very glad that it is Friday. Despite it only being a four-day work-week, it seemed to drag on. Took a nap when I got home from work yesterday. Mom came down and we went to Olive Garden, despite my better judgement. I think Mom was trying to cheer me up by suggesting it, so I aquiesced. I already fucked up for the week, although I ended up only getting a very small bowl of penne with marinara and ate mostly salad. Had one breadstick, which I know I could have done without, but, eh. I know what needs to be done, I'm just having trouble making it happen. I know everybody says I looked unhealthy and all when I lost the weight, but I felt really good about myself, I really liked the way I looked for the first time. I do know that I lost rather a lot of my bottom, shall we say, which I would prefer to retain, but just everything adjacent and below. Also, I know that I really need to stop takling about it around Nick, that and the other thing, since I know that I will dive him away eventually if I keep on about it, especially since he has been so emphatic that I am not fat, and that he has no complaints. On the other front, he has said things like not letting anything happen to me. I am very grateful for both of these things, and I know that I need to stop harping on it. I learned a lesson with that sort of thing with Rob.

We went to The Wind-up last night. Nick looked terribly, terribly good--- white oxford, black tie, with the new pin-striped vest, and of course, the fedora. Looked like something out of a gangster picture, or film noir. I really wish I'd know when he was going to wear something like that so I could get a little more dressed up myself. Eh, next time. Wind-up was fun. Didn't run into anybody, but that was alright. Despite eating salad, pasta, and a breadstick, on my second drink (which Russell says he is calling the "Die T.V.", because he writes it out "diet v- for vodka.), started feeling it, had a cig, but because it was my first one for the day (ended up on having two for the day), I got a buzz from that, which in turn made me feel really drunk, and of course when I got back in, Russell had another "DieTV" waiting for me. I drank some water and then was able to finish it and be alright, since it was early still. Nick insisted on our stopping at Subway on the way home. When we got back, before he left, Nick said something again about living there with me and Carmin, and that he'd help with rent, and I really didn't want to get into anything about it. While I love that he would want to do that, and I love his company so much, I know from experience now how it changes a relationship (and with Rob and I, we moved in together after dating nearly two years. I don't know now whether it was too soon or too long or what.), and I wouldn't want it to have any negative affect on this. He said, "You wouldn't want me around all the time?" and I said no, that I love every minute I get to spend with him, and he is welcome to be there anytime he wants, I just hesitate with the making things official aspect of it. I want to make that clear without upsetting him. I want him to know my reasoning.

Anyways, when he was leaving we said it, and he said that I don't always have to whisper it. I didn't realise that I did, it just comes out the way it comes out, very hearfelt, which it is, so the next time he said it, I said it louder, and he said, "There, that's better." There is supposed to be a party at the Franklin Estate tonight, so I hope it does not rain. I will be glad to get out of here and hopefully get my laundry done, and see Nick later.