Trying today to be more positive, or atleast less doom and gloom. After a morning of near breakdown mainly having to do with some delayed arrival and the news from yesterday, however, came to feel that the stuff that the doctor said yesterday is not as bad as it could be (although it is worse than I'd like--- I would like to have not had anything at all), and it has been found early. All of a sudden, I just felt completely different. Nick has been so terribly sweet and positive (but not in that annoying Farley way). I am seeing that I need to focus on that and carry on with things as I have. I will take those vitamins the doctor recommended and eat good (although, I still want terribly to lose this weight, as well.), and while I know I should cut out smoking all together, I will cut back considerably (I am still not a heavy smoker, that only came with and re-emerges with stress, and guess what all this has been?). Anyways, I am just going to try to not focus on this. That doesn't mean I will ignore it or delude myself, but it occurred to me maybe by being SO fatalistic, maybe that could be deluding myself, too. But you know me, never one to trust in the impossiblity of something less than good.

That said, went to Two For Tuesdays last night. Saw the usual suspects, or a good many of them, atleast. Saw Kristy and Kyle, but no Victor, appearently there is some new Nikki related drama. Sat with Rob, Laurie, and Joe. Matty conveniently forgot about promising to buy us shots for driving him home Sunday night (I love how repsonsible behaviour is rewarded with irresponsible behaviour haha). The funny thing is that for a good part of the evening, or at various intervals, Nick and I found ourselves removed from conversation, just talking to eachother or making out, or singing. We danced some, it was rather a lot of fun.

I am supposed to be meeting Mom after work for dinner. Have held off eating till then, despite the fact that I went to conference today, AND there is another going away party in my department with all kinds of food and cake. That in itself is kind of a victory. I did, however, eat all this cheese and and English muffin and crackers yesterday when I got home from work, and then a little more when I got back from the bar (regretted it, of course, I do the most senseless things and not even because I really want it.). Surprisingly, the not going to Starbucks everyday and eating a good amount of cheese has actually made my digestive system seem considerably better, so I definately feel good about making coffee drinks a treat rather than an everyday thing.